Pierce Hawthorne
Pierce Hawthorn (Chevy Chase) made millions in the moist towelette business. He has led a very interesting life including traveling the world and being a toastmaster. Pierce comes to Greendale as an attempt to stay youthful, which is evident in many episodes as he tries to use modern lingo and hang around with the cool crowd. Pierce plays the keyboard, and not only wrote the Greendale school song, but was once in a band with Vaughn. The school needs a new song, and Annie recruits Pierce to write it. He freaks out about, but eventually comes up with a nice(yet plagiarized) school song. ("Advanced Criminal Law" Season 1 Episode 5) Annie decides to throw a Dia de los Muertos themed party, for extra credit in Señor Chang's class. She is desperate to get Jeff to attend, because she know that his presence will make her party a success. Jeff promises to attend, but when he finds out that Professor Slater will be at the faculty Halloween party, he blows of Annie's party and crashes the Halloween party. At Annie's party, Pierce, trying to be cool, trades medication with Star-Burns and ends up having a bad trip. When the group shows up to yell at Jeff and get him to help Pierce, Professor Slater has finally agreed to sleep with Jeff, but feeling guilty for ditching Annie's party, he goes back to help Pierce. ("Introduction to Statistics" Season 1 Episode 7) Britta's ex, Vaughn, has started up a rock band, and Pierce is his new keyboardist. Vaughn writes a nasty song about Britta, and when she goes to confront him about it, she confuses Pierce's anger with Vaughn over who's band it is as him standing up for her. When Pierce quits the band, Vaughn writes another nasty song, about him. ("Home Economics" Season 1 Episode 8) Britta, who is trying to quit smoking, allows Pierce to help her when he claims that he is a hypnotherapist. Pierce later discovers that Britta was not actually hypnotized, but the therapy still ends up working, inadvertently.'' ("Debate 109" Season 1 Episode 9)'' Shirley is nervous about giving a speech in her marketing class and has Pierce help her with her presentation. ("Environmental Science" Season 1 Episode 10) Annie helps the dean plan for the STD-awareness fair. Pierce, who is dating an escort (but not paying her), brings her as his date to the fair. While Jeff, who bet Pierce that he could find a date to the fair, asks the dean's airhead secretary. ("The Politics of Human Sexuality" Season 1 Episode 11) Shirley and Pierce join Abed and Troy at their movie night, where they make fun of terrible films, but Pierce becomes frustrated when his jokes aren't funny. ("Romantic Expressionism" Season 1 Episode 15) After Senor Chang humiliates Troy and Pierce for sending themselves Valentine’s Day presents, Shirley and Annie decide to get back at him, but it backfires, and he just tortures Troy and Pierce further. ("Communication Studies" Season 1 Episode 16) Pierce, who doesn't have family, brings his ex-stepdaughter, Amber (played by Katharine McPhee), with whom he has trouble connecting to family day. He enlists Jeff to help him bond with Amber, but instead Jeff and Amber end up sleeping with each other. But when Jeff discovers that Amber is using Pierce for money, he decides to help Pierce rather than run off with Amber. ("Basic Genealogy" Season 1 Episode 18) Shirley, Troy and Britta join Pierce in his sailing class (on a boat in the parking lot), but the tough instructor tells them to leave Pierce behind when he falls overboard. Shirley, as captain, wonders out into the imaginary storm to rescue Pierce anyway. ("Beginner Pottery" Season 1 Episode 19) Season Two Quotes *"Why would I sexually harrass someone who turns me on?"'' ("Pilot" Season 1 Episode 1)'' *"Agnostic. The poor man's Atheist." ("Comparative Religion" Season 1 Episode 12) *"Yes, Abed. You need to be someone else. Someone who eventually gets a girlfriend. Because I can't think of anything more frightening than a half-Polish half-Arab virgin in his thirties. One way or the other, that story ends with an explosion." ("Physical Education" Season 1 Episode 17) *"Spoiler alert!; Alert nerd!" ("English as a Second Language" Season 1 Episode 24)